In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Helpless.”
Everyone has met with it at least once in a lifetime, but when it comes to bureaucracy and corruption, my country is the leader.
Today I’m trying to keep up with the assignment regarding Prompts in the Blogging University. As soon as I’ve popped into Daily posts’ prompts, I was like “oh my god, are you reading my mind guys?” The theme is called ‘Helpless’ – do you feel it sometimes? So I need to write about it simply because yes, I do, even more like this. You know these days when everything is going down in your mind, it was my day yesterday. Not only I felt helpless, I also felt totally useless, depressed and lost, feeling like bothersome man. It all started with the courses I have chosen for my personal development, since I don’t have any university degree, nor I don’t want to stay behind the counter in the supermarket. There’s been an open opportunity for everyone recently, to take some courses of own choice and they might be repayed from the government (thanks to the European Union grants). So I have chosen together with my hubby some courses and apply for it. In an instance we realized there is so much bureaucracy, that it is almost impossible to not make any mistake. You have to fill documents and sign many papers, run from place to place to have everything necessary up to date, spending money on fuel to drive to different offices. Then we have finally applied, I was very happy, too soon, because we had to pass the interview as we realized later. “Ok, no worries”, I said to myself, “I’ve got minimum of 10 reasons why they should give it to me.”
So that day has come yesterday, my husband has passed without any problem cause he has a university degree and the course is directly connected with his field. I walked in to the interview room, suddenly I felt like I have done something wrong! The officer – lady in middle age was very strict but tried to act suspiciously nice, soon I got know why. Briefly, she literally tried to trample any ambition of mine, just because ‘I don’t deserve it’, I do not have any university degree, and my high school was focused on languages not on the PC matters. My arguments that I am studying it on my own at home for many years was not relevant.
She started to subtract my points everywhere she could. “Do you have an employer who will employ you after you finish?” she asked me. “Seriously, what employer might want to employ someone who actually is going to undergo more education, rather than employ someone who already has it straight away?” I asked her. I assumed that this kind of question is really trying to sabotage opportunity for everyone, to make it just opportunity for the “chosen” ones. So she took me off another points. She asked me tricky questions, I started to be nervous and anxious about all these situation. The last straw was how It ended up. I got 2 ways to choose from. Either my application will be cancelled because I don’t have enough points (thanks to that lady) or I will promise that I will start my own business as a self-employed and thus I may gain lost points and get it approved. I was pushed to agree that after I finish course I will start my own business, which is not a wrong thing at all – if you are not from Slovakia. I certainly don’t have enough money to start business and pay high deductions to government right now. I was pushed to accept it or lose the unique chance. What would you do?
I shut the door and broke down crying, I knew I am now cornered mouse, and it was the purpose. You get something only for exchange, sacrifice.
I felt helpless, stupid, useless, only because someone showed me contempt for my lack of formal education, despite the fact that yet during attending high school I was doing homework for my sister in law’s studies in her second grade at university – in English!
And yes, i could study, but I simply refused to do it because I thought there are better things to do – like traveling for example.
I felt that maybe I should drop my requirements, and forget about all courses, just stay where I “belong”. And maybe I should stop dreaming about “better” life and simply go to look for the average job and think down to the earth – you are not that kind of exceptional person who can step out of it.
Let me tell you something – all this thoughts are pure cr.p. What the hell I was thinking?
I will NEVER ever let ANYONE put me down for his own unfulfilled ambitions and insecurities. I will never think of me that way only because someone is really trying hard to do it.
I’m not the one who is giving up, I will fight and I will take advantage from all unfair, all bad things which is happening to me, because traveling has shown it to me and thought it in the purest way.
You know that despite my country is the member of EU there is still lot of issue which has to be resolved for the better future of the country. Otherwise nobody “worthy” will stay there.
The old me was the mouse, but the new me is the dragon. So be afraid all the Slovakian bureaucracy, cheaters, unfair players because I will watch you!
And for all of my fellow bloggers from Blogging University, I wish you will never have to face to this kind of dealing with your person, and if so, don’t ever let anyone to put you down!